This week in the past: Hanging out with exes, end of semester grades, christmas break, get low, and lots of f-bombs.
Friday evening (at a work outing, nonetheless) I saw a psychic for the first time.
After a few bourbon and cokes, is there ever a better idea? Especially for $5.
At first, she approached our table and then walked away fast. I thought I had blown my chance. Then I ran into her in the bathroom and she told me she couldn’t stay at that table because of the rude welcome she was given, but that I was going to have a very good year, as was someone else at the table. And someone at the table would have a family addition.
When I sat down with her, she asked me right away if I’d had my son yet. She informed me I would have a son and a daughter. Then she hit me a lot. I think like three times. On the hand. She said to stop being gullible and to get away from the alcoholics. Someone from my past would try to come back and I needed to say no. Alcohol would bring pain (referring to the next morning, perhaps). I needed to save money as I would be going down sizes. She said I was intuitive. At the end, she said a lot of very religious things–I am not sure if this was just to me or if it is part of her deal.
Perhaps the most cryptic thing she said was this “Cleaning fish = lust and passion.” She said there would be a fisherman and (it’s a bit cloudy here–bourbon and cokes) we would clean a fish together, “guts and scales and all.” Now what does this mean?! I have been pondering it all weekend . . .
So many options. Until it all becomes clear to me, I will do the perfectly sane thing of asking every man I know if he likes to fish. It just makes sense.
Originally published December 12th, 2004, via LiveJournal.
Do you know what’s really great?
When two people end a relationship, they usually end up thinking the worst of each other. (And usually this is after about a two week period where they TRY to remain “just friends” and they find that it doesn’t work.) This ends up destroying all of the beautiful memories that they had of each other. All they can think of when they think of the other person are all the bad times…the fights, the tears, the inconsideration.
And, I mean, that’s really great and all…
But what is even better is when you can remember the good through all the bad. Sure, they “are a dick now” (and this view will usually change to oh, they’re alright in about a year or so), but we also had some good times. I try to carry at least one overly positive memory with me from every failed relationship I have been in, to “keep it real.” And yes, FAILED relationships. If they had been anything but “failed”, they would be going on yet today. And even for the pseudo-relationships or hook-ups that ended badly: there is still at least that ONE really good memory that you can look back at, to keep it alive in your head that “hey, we associated with each other because we TRULY enjoyed each other’s company at one time.”
With Mike, I remember this time at a party Erik had when Mike was really drunk and I was pissed. (I didn’t drink and was very against it…HA HA HA). I was so mad at him, but then we were standing by the pool and that song “Shimmer” by Fuel came on and all of a sudden he smiled really big and grabbed me. He pulled me out by the gazebo and made me DANCE, while he had this huge smile on his face. And the gazebo was all lit w/ white christmas lights and that was cool. For Chad, I remember that time when we were in the “what is our status stage?” and we were outside of his house and his neighbor was outside and she asked if he was my boyfriend and he said yes, and then looked at me smiled. Lame, but they are those kind of moments. And sad but true, just about every moment with Terry was a good moment.
And then this brings me to my next tangent:
I am having a really hard time grasping the idea of commitment now. When I was in highschool and early college it made sense: I like you! You like me! We should be together! BUT WHY?!??! It seems really lame to me now. I can’t imagine being committed to just one person unless I am “in love” with them. If you aren’t “in love” or see “a forever future” with someone, then why the hell be with only them? I remember in highschool when I heard “Popular” by Nada Surf I was appalled by the “one month limit to going steady.” But now I am appalled with the idea of being committed to someone for a long time when you aren’t in love or can foresee a future with them. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I suggest a two-month limit of dating, and if you aren’t in love with them by that point, slow it down and see other people! God!!! What is the point in restricting yourself from meeting other people if you’re not sure you love the person you are with or can’t imagine spending at leat 5 years with them?!??!?!?!?!??!?!
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About this post: When looking through my old LiveJournal for new Flashback Friday fodder, I found this post and felt it stood alone and was worth revisiting. This is something I will do from time to time. I made no changes to the original content other than removing someone’s last name (google searches are a bitch).
I’m learning to be less of a “yes man.” (Errr . . . woman.)
Where it used to be:
Q: “Does this dress look ok?” A: “Oh sure, yeah!”
it’s now more:
Q: “Does this dress look ok?” A: “I can see your butt cheeks.” or A: “You look washed out.”
Where it used to be:
Q: “Ughh I don’t know what to do about this situation!” A: “Sorry.”
it’s more like:
Q: “Ughh I don’t know what to do about this situation!” A: “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I think . . . (then ask questions that will help the person analyze their situation and what they should do for their reasons).”
Now, don’t think I’m getting all high and mighty and opinionated on y’all. That’s not the case. (I hope.) But what is happening is I am finding my voice, finding confidence, and battling complacency. Where it used to be I had just one or two people I could be blunt with, now it’s more than I can count. Where I used to never want to be the one to tell someone something they don’t want to hear, I am now not afraid to do so. Sometimes things suck to hear, but I put myself in their shoes–you need to hear it. I’m not afraid of losing a friend for being honest with them. I am confident enough in myself and my friendships to afford honesty.
Before, I would hold in so many useful things to say. I’d just smile and agree or change the topic. Then I’d end up being passive aggressive towards my close friends or just being mean for the sake of being mean. That was not good. The more I would hold in, the less normal my relationships with my friends would be. They’d become strained. They’d become boring. Sometimes people would stop sharing as much with me. Because it’s boring to tell somebody something and have them just agree with everything you say.
Last year I realized the saying “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all” is total bullshit and inaccurate. Rather, it should be: “If you can’t say anything useful, then don’t say anything at all.” Nice is bullshit. Nice is fluff. Nice is complacency. Constructive criticism, candid opinions–when not being stated solely for the purpose of being mean–are where it is at.
So, if that dress makes you look fat or he’s being an asshole, I’ll tell you. Because I’d expect you to do the same.