Tag Archives: changes


I needed a change. So I cut my hair significantly shorter.














As previously mentioned (also here), it is painfully apparent I have lost the knack for taking attractive pictures of myself. The cracking lips and nose breakout make that all the more obvious. I also, for the first time, feel like I look old. Therefore, you are stuck with these two very boring pictures. I fear I’ve lost the sparkle in my eyes. (But I’ll keep trying.)

But enough bitching.

The best part of short(er) hair? Fun bed head!

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To Have More Fun.

You know what they say . . .

Blondes have more fun.

So let’s give it a shot.

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Yes Man.

I’m learning to be less of a “yes man.” (Errr . . . woman.)

Where it used to be:

Q: “Does this dress look ok?” A: “Oh sure, yeah!”

it’s now more:

Q: “Does this dress look ok?” A: “I can see your butt cheeks.” or A: “You look washed out.”

Where it used to be:

Q: “Ughh I don’t know what to do about this situation!” A: “Sorry.”

it’s more like:

Q: “Ughh I don’t know what to do about this situation!” A: “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I think . . . (then ask questions that will help the person analyze their situation and what they should do for their reasons).”

Now, don’t think I’m getting all high and mighty and opinionated on y’all. That’s not the case. (I hope.) But what is happening is I am finding my voice, finding confidence, and battling complacency. Where it used to be I had just one or two people I could be blunt with, now it’s more than I can count. Where I used to never want to be the one to tell someone something they don’t want to hear, I am now not afraid to do so. Sometimes things suck to hear, but I put myself in their shoes–you need to hear it. I’m not afraid of losing a friend for being honest with them. I am confident enough in myself and my friendships to afford honesty.

Before, I would hold in so many useful things to say. I’d just smile and agree or change the topic. Then I’d end up being passive aggressive towards my close friends or just being mean for the sake of being mean. That was not good. The more I would hold in, the less normal my relationships with my friends would be. They’d become strained. They’d become boring. Sometimes people would stop sharing as much with me. Because it’s boring to tell somebody something and have them just agree with everything you say.

Last year I realized the saying “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all” is total bullshit and inaccurate. Rather, it should be: “If you can’t say anything useful, then don’t say anything at all.” Nice is bullshit. Nice is fluff. Nice is complacency. Constructive criticism, candid opinions–when not being stated solely for the purpose of being mean–are where it is at.

So, if that dress makes you look fat or he’s being an asshole, I’ll tell you. Because I’d expect you to do the same.

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Where to begin . . .

There are a lot of things I need to change. Unfortunately, a lot of these things hinge upon other things that hinge upon other things . . . making me question: where do I start? If you’ve read this “blog” at all you’ve probably read at least one “I need to do this” or “I am going to do this” type post before. I get distracted easily. One goal replaces another until that one is also replaced. I ask for accountability and then shoo it away.

So let’s get down to this, in list form:

  1. Make a dent in my credit card debt. It’s gotten bad. Being unemployed (underemployed?) the last six weeks has brought this debt to levels it has never seen before. I am making my payments, but that’s about it.
    1. Baby steps in the meantime: Once my new job starts next week, NO MORE USING CARDS. Until January, I will continue paying minimum payments only so that I can catch-up on missed bills from my unemployment period.
    2. Pay at least $200 month extra on card with highest interest rate until paid off, then shift payments to next card. Should I be able to do this, I will pay off all my cards by mid-2014.
  2. Spend better. This will also tie-in with #3 below. Most of my “disposable” income (used VERY loosely) goes to eating out. I need to put an end to how frequent I do this. I need to look for deals. I need to start a savings account (woops). I will track my expenses again.
  3. Eat better. For now, until I have regular income again, this means not eating out. Once I have regular income, this will mean eating less junk.
  4. Exercise more. Duh. I was told I couldn’t run anymore about a year ago. I need to find a soft place to start running again, but listen to my body if I really can’t. I need to take advantage of my new workplace’s gym. Hell, even just walking more will be a plus.
  5. Bring back creativity. Write more, draw more, photograph more. Don’t be shy about it. Don’t let perfectionism cock block me.
  6. Blog at least once a week. But no crap. Dear God, please no crap. Not having a focus both helps and hinders this. I have some ideas, and those ideas also tie in with #5, so let’s do this.
It’s a long. basic list that probably mirrors just about everyone’s list. But if I can make progress in just one of those arenas, that’s a start.
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Goals for the New Year

We can learn a lot from trees: they’re always grounded but never stop reaching heavenward.
–Everett Mámor
* * *
I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions.
In the past, they’ve been based upon mistakes made on New Year’s Eve (“I will not kiss a boy who I do not like.”) or jokes (“I will start smoking.” That one lasted about two weeks–just long enough to give my voice that “husky” edge I so wanted at that time).
My friend Cass, who unfortunately does not have a blog but only a predominantly friends-only livejournal (http://mightyfinewine.livejournal.com/), recently posted her New Year’s GOALS.  That’s right:  GOALS and not RESOLUTIONS.
Although the distinction between the two is slight, I can get behind goal-making.  It seems much more based upon the act of progress than just accomplishment–it gives you room to grow and room for mistakes.
So, without further ado, here are my goals for 2009:
  1. Do not use any of my credit cards. With exceptions. I’ve done so good at this goal for the past few months and I look forward to continuing it. Of course, I must be practical and place a few exceptions: (a) If I have saved $500 cash and have all cards paid off or within $100 of payoff, I can buy a laptop (more on this to come); (b) I can use it for car or health emergencies; and (c) In the event I am not employed come August, I can use it for necessary living expenses.
  2. Pay off all credit cards. I have about $1200 total in credit card debt ($600 of it not my actual debt . . . ) and yet I feel like a big failure. Only $600 of my own, personal debt really isn’t too bad! Regardless, I want it GONE. When you have about $125,000 in student loans, it’s nice not to have to worry about anything else.
  3. Save money for a laptop. My laptop SUCKS. I originally took out my Apple rewards credit card so I could buy a laptop at 0% for 180 days. Then my limit wasn’t enough. Then I started using the card for crap. Then I had car emergencies. If I can get that card down to ZERO, and save at least $500, I will allow myself to get a new laptop. Fingers crossed. I really want one! (On a side note, I’ve “really wanted” a new laptop for almost two years so far and have not given in–that is AMAZAING for me!).
  4. Be employed come August 1st. My job ends August 31st. This speaks for itself.
  5. The old standby: stick to working out! I did so awesome with working out last year, then I got a stress fracture. Then I got back into it and had to stop because of surgery. I’m thinking of seeing a personal trainer once I get back to a “normal” activity level to get me started in the right direction. I think Dam to Dam will be out this year (probably won’t be ready to run 12 miles by May as I can’t even JOG yet because of surgery), but perhaps a half-marathon in October? Totally doable.
  6. Participate in Script Frenzy in April with Candice and complete a script.
  7. Participate in NaNoWriMo in November and complete 50,000 words.
  8. Give back more. I will continue being a generous tipper, but that’s as far as my monetary commitment can go. I will look up options for doing good in my community, find one that FITS, and DO IT.
  9. Read at least three non-fiction books.
  10. Get my groove back. If someone who doesn’t give me the heebie-jeebies asks me out or expresses interest, I won’t automatically shut him off. I will give a chance, and I will also start liking dudes again instead of hiding behind the insecurity of having gigantic boobs, because THE BOOBS ARE NORMAL NOW.

So, that’s it. I’ll probably think of more stuff. But ten seems like a good, solid number.

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