Things I Said to the Cat.

One of my roommates is a cat. There is a bit of a communication barrier as cats do not speak english. Or any recognizable human language. That does not, however, prevent me from saying things to the cat. Therefore, I present you with all the things I said to the cat within a twenty-four hour period.

This is Hank, the cat.

  1. Hank, you have emotional problems.
  2. Get a job. Work on your resume. Sign up for LinkedIn.
  3. I can’t fix your problems.
  4. Meowing won’t fix your problems.
  5. Get out of the sink.
  6. You’re so soft.
  7. Stop being so creepy.
  8. Hank you are a funny cat.
  9. You’re so cute!
  10. Hank, not the cactus!
  11. Hank, get out of the box.
  12. Hank, are you serious?! You are going to hurt yourself and I am going to laugh.
  13. I told you that you were going to hurt yourself.
  14. Hank, that’s for people.
  15. You have no rights.
  16. Pizza is for people.
  17. You learn how to open the door, then you can go outside.
  18. Shut up.
  19. You’re going to burn your paws.
  20. Hank! Don’t eat the bourbon!
  21. Speak with confidence. That’s not a very confident meow.
  22. Hey, you wanted up there.
  23. Don’t do that.
  24. Stop that.
  25. What are you doing? I don’t need a massage.
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4 thoughts on “Things I Said to the Cat.

  1. jamierboyle says:

    I think you zoned in on my life with MY cat, and the conversations we have

  2. This might be my favorite of all your blogs thus far. For real.

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