I’m learning to be less of a “yes man.” (Errr . . . woman.)
Where it used to be:
Q: “Does this dress look ok?” A: “Oh sure, yeah!”
it’s now more:
Q: “Does this dress look ok?” A: “I can see your butt cheeks.” or A: “You look washed out.”
Where it used to be:
Q: “Ughh I don’t know what to do about this situation!” A: “Sorry.”
it’s more like:
Q: “Ughh I don’t know what to do about this situation!” A: “Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I think . . . (then ask questions that will help the person analyze their situation and what they should do for their reasons).”
Now, don’t think I’m getting all high and mighty and opinionated on y’all. That’s not the case. (I hope.) But what is happening is I am finding my voice, finding confidence, and battling complacency. Where it used to be I had just one or two people I could be blunt with, now it’s more than I can count. Where I used to never want to be the one to tell someone something they don’t want to hear, I am now not afraid to do so. Sometimes things suck to hear, but I put myself in their shoes–you need to hear it. I’m not afraid of losing a friend for being honest with them. I am confident enough in myself and my friendships to afford honesty.
Before, I would hold in so many useful things to say. I’d just smile and agree or change the topic. Then I’d end up being passive aggressive towards my close friends or just being mean for the sake of being mean. That was not good. The more I would hold in, the less normal my relationships with my friends would be. They’d become strained. They’d become boring. Sometimes people would stop sharing as much with me. Because it’s boring to tell somebody something and have them just agree with everything you say.
Last year I realized the saying “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all” is total bullshit and inaccurate. Rather, it should be: “If you can’t say anything useful, then don’t say anything at all.” Nice is bullshit. Nice is fluff. Nice is complacency. Constructive criticism, candid opinions–when not being stated solely for the purpose of being mean–are where it is at.
So, if that dress makes you look fat or he’s being an asshole, I’ll tell you. Because I’d expect you to do the same.