i don’t think i’ve ever referred to myself as a woman but i’ve stopped calling myself a kid. i don’t always end up where i’ve set out to go but i rarely stray too far. i stop myself from talking to myself through talking to myself. it’s audible. sometimes i don’t let myself edit myself, while other times i edit to the point of silence. it’s all an exercise in self-deliberation and sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. the point is not in the emphasis nor in the punctuation–it’s the story as a whole. you can’t fill in all the blanks deliberately. sometimes you need a misstep or two to do things for you. and more likely than not, you need a whole series of mistakes. you need the clear head that only those moments of self-loathing can bring you. you need those moments where you don’t even feel bad anymore to start feeling bad. you need to focus on nothing at all so that you can be met with total clarity. sometimes it’s more about the path than it is about the destination (but that’s all been said before). sometimes you have to just not.