I have this drive to be fiercely independent, yet I want to know that I will always have someone who can be there for me, should I need it.
Does this mean I use people? I don’t really think it comes to that, but maybe I am prone to bouts of taking people for granted or pushing them away?
I hate when I am automatically lumped in with someone. This happens and fills me with rage when I go out and someone asks, “Oh, where is so and so?” I HATE THIS. I don’t want to become so predictable that any time I am out I am expected to be with the same people. I want to be my own person, my own attraction. I want just being me to be enough.
Sometimes I fight it when I start to feel like I am being grouped in a unit. I’ll start to be a bad friend, I’ll try to go out and do my own thing, I shut myself off.
Yet there are the times where I have the desire to be part of a “group,” just not necessarily stuck in a group. I want to know there is someone/some group that will be there for me when I, well, have nothing better to do (as horrible as that is to admit).
How can I be so “independent” yet feel this need to always be able to have someone there? Am I just stubborn, or do others feel this way?