Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. And I say: So what?! I’m not a hater of the holiday, but I am certainly not a lover of it, either. And don’t even try to call me bitter. I swear I’m not.
I’ve just been . . . dissapointed . . . in the past. As a result, I have a “no expectations” rule (which coincided nicely with the “no crushes” rule I had for so long).
Let’s look back at some of the more memorable moments:
- 1999: I had a boyfriend, whom I had been with for quite awhile (6 months–forever in the life of a high school junior), and was looking forward to having a “valentine.” Well, he didn’t get work off and I felt betrayed (as I said, I was a junior in high school). I was asked to go to the movies with some other friends, and right before I left my boyfriend stopped by my house with the sweetest card in the world and VD treats. And I still, selfishly, didn’t think it was enough. I still kick myself for that every day, and now I understand that it was enough and should have been enough. I wasn’t rude to him that day, but I know I wasn’t appreciative enough. Then I left for the movie and as “fate” would have it, I got carded at the movie so the other under seventeen year-old in our group and I had to see another movie. Just the two of us. And it was a male. I felt feelings for him and was conflicted. The next day I broke up with my boyfriend, who had come in to visit me on my break at work. Again, I wasn’t appreciative enough of him and it kills me.
- 2000: I had just broken up with boyfriend #2, who was the guy I had seen the movie with the year before. We had been amicable, but recently things had turned ugly. Another guy, a friend who remained a friend, asked me out on a date and I agreed to go with him (later, I found out it was a pity date). As I was leaving school for the night, I ran into the ex in the commons area. Things got heated up for some reason, and at one point he said, “Have fun on your date, bitch.” I saw red, and without thinking I shoved him into a drinking fountain. I feel bad about that. He missed school the next day, citing “whiplash.”
- 2002: A friend took me out to dinner. It was disappointing and awkward in that I didn’t know his intentions and was worried he liked me, when I only wanted to be his friend. The night ended up being awkward in a good way: every place was filled so we ended up getting burritos at the late night burrito joint. It was also the first time I ever rode in a cab. During the day, I got an x-ray and found out my finger was broken.
- 2004: Had to fend off awkward attempts of another friend who I wasn’t interested in. He was very persistent, even asking me out through an AIM bot. On the plus side, had a girls’ night where we made COOKIES.
There were some good times, too. Although the reasons they were good had nothing to do with the spirit of the holiday:
- 2001: Kirk Haston walked me out of Assembly Hall after work and John Mellencamp gave me his seat at the game.
- 2003: Had a girls’ night where we punched at a penis-shaped punching bag to help a friend who had just suffered a breakup feel better.
All the rest of been so unmemorable. But that’s alright by me–much better than emotionally cheating on a boyfriend, assaulting an ex, or fending off aggressive, unwanted suitors.
What will I do this year? As of now, no plans. And again, that’s fine by me. Although I wouldn’t mind a secret admirer, as long as he doesn’t pursue me through an AIM bot. Preferred method of attraction? Stand outside my window with a boombox playing . . . Message in a Bottle. Yeah, that’s right. Those drums make me fall in love every time I hear them. Oh, and to really seal the deal, shovelling my driveway for me sounds really hot right now.