Another Goal

I’ve realized that I’ve been going through life lately pretty aimlessly and just getting by. Sure I challenged myself by going to law school and all that jazz, but sometimes I feel like that was just a cop out–I didn’t know what I wanted to do after undergrad so why not law school?!

I haven’t taken any chances lately. I haven’t put myself into positions where failure is possible–I’m coasting. And I need to stop.

I’m working on a few ideas that I will not get into at this time of ways to make my life and work more fulfilling. I want to advance interests other than strictly my financial stability. Financial stability is great and all, but what good is it to merely survive rather than challenging yourself to live?

One thing that I’ve known I’ve always wanted to do, in some form or another, is to write. The Young Authors’ Conference was a yearly highlight of my life as a child and I kept the obligatory notebook of bad teenage poetry throughout high school. In college, I moved on to decent college poetry and rants, but I never took any creative writing classes or anything (even though I always wanted to–I was just scared I wouldn’t be as good as I wanted to be). In law school writing took a different direction and I learned I was talented at legal writing–getting the top score in my section on a big first year brief, writing a note for law review that was published, and placing third in a writing competition. But I didn’t do anything beyond what was required of me.

I write daily for my current job, averaging one judicial ruling a week. But it’s still not satisfying. I enjoy it as a way to earn a paycheck, but I know I want to do MORE with my writing.

I go through spurts where I write creatively often, but then I usually hit a wall and STOP or move on to another project, unsatisfied and discouraged. I say I’m not into self-editing, but that is a bit hypocritical as I self-edit all the time by not even attempting to write some things down out of fear it won’t be “good” or “interesting” enough.

But I’ve decided to change that and to not care so much about writing a masterpiece right away . . . if I think of something, I’ll write it down. If I want to come back to it later to add upon it, I will. If I never return to it, so be it. Right now, I just need to get it OUT and go from there. So here it goes . . . if I have an idea, I will jot it down. No matter what. (NOTE: I am not meaning I will write down everything in this blog, but just SOMEWHERE.)

And how does this all tie in? Well, the more you experience the more your writing can grow–you will have new experiences and feelings to draw upon. So in order to start writing the way I’ve always wanted to, I am going to start taking more chances with life and try to get out of this comfort zone I’ve placed myself in for the last year. Maybe I’ll fail or maybe I’ll succeed, but either way it is so much better than not even trying.


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